Thursday, July 16, 2009

It’s what’s for Dinner

It’s a “bad” day. But as always, good for a laugh.

I think I ate one meal today? Maybe?

I can’t move well, and I’m having that awful “paralyzed throat thing” which is understandably scary, so I’ve been sitting at the computer trying to distract myself.

I guess I went into the kitchen at one point (I have vague memories of a slice of deli ham)…because here I am, at the computer

realizing I just ate a third of a squeeze bottle of stone-ground horseradish mustard.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Spread the Love

So I know you’re dying to know how I’m celebrating Valentine’s Day.

Well, you know it’s that special day to think special thoughts and do special things with that special someone.

So I’m going to float out of bed at 8 a.m. on a Saturday.
Spend an inordinate but worthwhile amount of time on my appearance, crafting just the right look.
Hitch a romantic ride to the SCI-BU parking lot.
Think wistful thoughts as I stop in the library and I sign my life away for a video camera.
Carpool with a (female) friend from school to a local park, while we giggle about feminine jokes and the excitement to come.
Wander through the idyllic snow- or mud-covered park looking for a noble cluster of environmentalists.
And all the while, spending quality time learning that cameras can be sensitive, too.
Keep my heart from bursting with joy as we find the environmentalists.
Muse dreamily about said environmentalists while filming them pawing through idyllic snow or mud to heroically eradicate naughty invasive plant species.
Spend some engaging and witty time in conversation interviewing these charming heroes.
Ponder the best way to craft this footage of gorgeous hotties into a public service announcement for the betterment of mankind.
Snuggle deeper into my very fetching attire to avoid frostbite while throwing flirtatious looks at the winsome eco warriors.
Not bother to suppress the fountain of warm-fuzzies in my heart as the rendezvous comes to a close.

(And then I’ll probably have some lunch, get a ride home and spend the rest of the day doing more homework.)

It may not be true love, but at least you know I’m not moping.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Instead of Dr. Seuss

Aunt Karen was helping Ariel look for wedding vows, and stumbled upon this gem.
Personally, though, I’d say red flag if you’re going to marry a girl and she doesn’t appreciate something like this.

For optimum enjoyment, you really need two people reading this out loud.

“Marty Blase, the author of these vows, writes: ‘My fiancee and I agreed a long time ago that we wanted to write our own wedding vows, and as a spur-of-the-moment idea, I suggested the following. To my disappointment, she didn't quite go for it...’”

“Pastor: Will you answer me right now
These questions, as your wedding vow?

Groom: Yes, I will answer right now
Your questions as my wedding vow.

Pastor: Will you take her as your wife?
Will you love her all your life?

Groom: Yes, I take her as my wife,
Yes, I'll love her all my life.

Pastor: Will you have, and also hold
Just as you have at this time told?

Groom: Yes, I will have, and I will hold,
Just as I have at this time told,
Yes, I will love her all my life
As I now take her as my wife.

Pastor: Will you love through good and bad?
Whether you're happy or sad?

Groom: Yes, I'll love through good and bad,
Whether we're happy or sad,
Yes, I will have and I will hold
Just as I have already told,
Yes, I will love her all my life,
Yes, I will take her as my wife!

Pastor: Will you love her if you're rich?
Or if you're poor, and in a ditch?

Groom: Yes, I'll love her if we're rich,
And I will love her in a ditch,
I'll love her through good times and bad,
Whether we are happy or sad,
Yes, I will have, and I will hold
(I could have sworn this has been told!)
I promise to love all my life
This woman, as my lawful wife!

Pastor: Will you love her when you're fit,
And also when you're feeling sick?

Groom: Yes, I'll love her when we're fit,
And when we're hurt, and when we're sick,
And I will love her when we're rich
And I will love her in a ditch
And I will love through good and bad,
And I will love when glad or sad,
And I will have, and I will hold
Ten years from now a thousandfold,
Yes, I will love for my whole life
This lovely woman as my wife!

Pastor: Will you love with all your heart?
Will you love till death you part?

Groom: Yes, I'll love with all my heart
From now until death do us part,
And I will love her when we're rich,
And when we're broke and in a ditch,
And when we're fit, and when we're sick,
(Oh, CAN'T we get this finished quick?)
And I will love through good and bad,
And I will love when glad or sad,
And I will have, and I will hold,
And if I might now be so bold,
I'll love her my entire life,
Yes, I WILL take her as my wife!

Pastor: Then if you'll take her as your wife,
And if you'll love her all your life,
And if you'll have, and if you'll hold,
From now until the stars grow cold,
And if you'll love through good and bad,
And whether you're happy or sad,
And love in sickness, and in health,
And when you're poor, and when in wealth,
And if you'll love with all your heart,
From now until death do you part,
Yes, if you'll love her through and through,
Please answer with these words:

Pastor and Groom: I DO!

Pastor: You're married now! So kiss the bride,
But please, do keep it dignified.”

Ariel loved it, but decided it might be too much of a mouthful for them all, especially since she plans on bawling most of the time.

So she compromised and decided that fun could still be had when the bride’s and bridesmaids’ puppets could all join us during the after-ceremony photos.

I’m still working on getting Pastor Gary to do the “Marwiage is what brings us together today” bit from The Princess Bride (at least for the reception) since he may never again find two people and both their families who enjoy the movie.

I’m giggling just thinking about it.

Friday, December 19, 2008

The Many Adventures of Glorious Garlic

Yeah, so I have this weakness for garlic. It has a bad reputation and is an underappreciated spice in our culture. Plus, it enters the bloodstream and causes bad breath from within, so you can’t pretend like you didn’t eat it.

A couple weeks ago I was caught sniffing Aunt Karen’s jar of minced garlic. I was forced to fess up: “Garlic makes everything better. Except fried eggs. And maybe ice cream.”
But even that is questionable. Someone already beat me to the garlic ice cream.

It’s also good on the roads this time of year. It has a very Hollywood-festive warm-fuzzie community service feel to it. I’m just waiting to hear that someone was run over as they were licking the pavement. But on the plus side, any road kill will be pre-seasoned with a salt rub.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Ringside Seat

It’s no secret—
It takes a lot to get me interested in politics. And it’s almost impossible to get me interested in Illinois politics.
But tonight Ariel popped a bag of popcorn and we sat in our living room, thoroughly entertained by the local and national news featuring our little governor.

Kudos to whoever had enough time on their hands to list the seat for sale on eBay, Craig’s List and other sites—that’s one for your portfolio. Classic.

Oh yes, an evening of good laughs.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Don't try it

It’s a good day when I find a new food I’m not allergic to.

I have a bunch of food allergies:
Tree nuts
…and etcetera

So here’s the ingredient label for the new food I can have:

Ingredients: Barley and Spelt Flour, Ground Oats, Chicken Meat, Rice Flour, Chicken Livers, Canola Oil, Beet Pulp, Dried Skim Milk, Apples, Salmon Oil, Tumeric, Tocopherols.

Doesn’t sound too bad; all the ingredients are of U.S. origin, and one snap contains just 24 calories.
Except… of course there is a catch.

Kong brand Stuff’n Puppy Snaps Treats.
I tried the Chicken and Rice variety.

Although they had a nice crispy, fibrous texture from the beet pulp, and a hint of sweetness from the apples and spelt, the salmon oil was overbearing and left a nasty aftertaste.

I wouldn’t recommend them.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Central Illinois Dressing Up for Halloween

Cute, huh? I was impressed when we drove by.
These Jack O Lanterns lined one whole side of their house.

The equestrian statue on a sign for a
stable near Sherman now has a rider.
I snapped this as we flew by, so it's a little blurry, but here's a close up.

On my birthday my family carved pumpkins with me.
This is Auntie Karen’s.
She later spent the whole evening being sick.

Makes ya wonder: does art imitate life or life imitate art?

And then sometimes it's obvious.

Clearly a take on Wood's painting "American Gothic".

My birthday pumpkins. Top to bottom, left to right: Mom's, mine, Jenna's, Auntie's, and Ariel's.